A Song From Your Favourite Band (In my case, one of them)

For those who’ve come face to face with dying, regardless of the circumstances, you understand me when I say that it’s a life-changer.

This seems a given to the outsider, but the depths of that knowledge cannot possibly be grasped until you sense your last breath is near – or perhaps take it, only to be shocked back into the cold clutches of the living.  The understanding that you will be moving on to something unknown – and religion be damned, you will suddenly not know – is paralyzing.  It is a sledgehammer to the soul and ruthless in the wake of its damage.  You will spend the rest of your life drifting back to that moment, remembering the way your skin felt, the way light or dark seemed to fall upon you.

When the process is slow, time becomes an eternity.  You wish for release, yet fear what that means.  Cancer, disease, mental illness that consumes your every second – it doesn’t matter.  In the end, we are all inside our caves, buried alive and running out of oxygen.  The walls collapse, the rubble shattering bone and tearing sinew, and we begin to expunge all of our confessions through ink, tapped keys, spoken words or silent thought.

And then, there is a key.  A shovel.  Escape hatch. You crawl from the wreckage, literal or proverbial, and inhale.  You hurt.  You ache.  Part of you may feel robbed while rewarded.

I’ll say it again:  you are never the same.  Don’t try to fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

Caves – Jack’s Mannequin