Hi there!  I am dead certain you will not remember me, but I met you a couple years ago at the Hard Rock Cafe in Toronto, during a fan meet and greet.  You both seemed pretty cool, if a lot quieter than Ms. Hayley Williams, but hey, I’m an introvert too!  It works out.

I heard today that you’re leaving Paramore, which saddens me, since I think you added a soft heart to the band live.  I enjoyed your work, but also respect that sometimes, bands split up.  Okay, a lot of the time, bands split up, especially bands in your genre.  We all know why, too:  lead singer worship.  No matter how tight a band is, no matter how supportive of each other, it’s really fucking hard when the general public seems to forget all about the rest of the band, who’s, you know, playing essential tuneage?  Hayley, being young and attractive, is no exception.  I truly hope she’s more like Josie though (circa 7:00 onward), and not a prima donna.  That would blow… and also explain why you’re out the door.

I don’t suppose it helps matters that one of you is her ex, and she is very publicly canoodling with Mr. NFG.  I wonder if either of you makes jokes about his Twitter name.  Sorry; I’m caffeinated.  And also, I make those jokes (lovingly, I swear!) so figured that you might like to join me.

So, you’re parting ways.  That’s fine, and I wish you both success in whatever you choose to do next.  If music’s on the roster, I do have some very crucial words of wisdom for you, and hope you heed them:

Do not pull a Ben Moody.

Name not ringing a bell?  Lemme help ya, since the whole sordid history came back in a flash today while reading the blog on the Paramore site, right down to the not-subtle-enough passive-aggressive aftertaste.

Once upon a time, a little boy named Ben Moody heard a girl named Amy Lee owning a Meatloaf song on piano.  They became fast friends, and wrote music together with a variety of peeps playing back-up, until lucking into a contract with Sony’s Wind-Up division and exploding onto the scene with Fallen, the debut major label release by the band now known as Evanescence.  Good music.  I loved it.

Now, I’m not sure if Amy and Ben ever dated, but I’m pretty certain given the timing of Moody’s departure and his decision to later start another band with a semi-look-alike whose look he altered from her own to, well, Amy Lee’s, that Ben wanted to get with her.  Watching her hook up with Shaun Morgan of Seether must have stung.  Only months later, Moody bailed.

The official story involved ‘creative differences’, Moody being ‘more about the pop’ and other such comments, which were assuredly true in part – see Moody’s work with Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson – but it really seemed more the jilted lover.  I had Moody’s back, though; who wants to hang out with their ex?  But then, Moody made himself look like an ass with his new band, We Are The Fallen.  Comprised of Ben, Carly Smithson and former Evanescence band members, Ben has made, well, a new Evanescence.

Exhibit A:  Carly’s make-over

Before:

After:

For LOLZ, Amy Lee:

But wait; it gets worse.  Moody’s new outfit not only performs old Evanescence tracks live (poorly) – with backing tracks from the old album – in spite of insisting they are not ‘reinventing the wheel’, they also blatantly reference the first album’s title (Fallen) and their music… well, even the riff is a recycled line from the Evanescence days, in the case of lead single Bury Me Alive.  Just check the first few seconds of the songs.  It’s ridiculous.

We Are The Fallen (even the video is Evanescence-like)

Bleed by Evanescence (2001-2002 demo)

Um, fail.  That’s almost as blatant as the Nickelback endless recycling syndrome.  Even the lyrics in places are a little… close.

For more lolzy sound-alike fun, as an aside, witness Coldplay and Sum 41 united.

So, Josh, Zac, what does this have to do with you?  Simply, put:  don’t go here.  Don’t make yourselves a joke, if you continue to make music.  Don’t lift Paramore riffs, don’t hire a redhead to sing with you, don’t cover Paramore songs nightly… Ya dig?  You’re cooler than that.  Classier.  At least, I believe you are.  You’ll be missed by those of us who see bands as entities, not just lead singers.

Best of luck to you, and love,

Amber

(Who has been itching for an excuse to slag Moody’s faux pas, and thus, thank you!)