Grade nine was the year I began to appreciate how different I was from my classmates in every way. I didn’t have rich parents that catered to my every materialistic whim, nor was I as skinny or using the caked on make-up so many favoured. I was a great student, straight As, but absolutely miserable as the hours of the night ticked away, my mind never shutting down.
No one tells you what depression and bipolar disorder are until it’s too late. Instead, you simply think you were ‘defective out of the box’. You suffer quietly, until something gives way.
In grade nine, I was still faking it. I didn’t know why, precisely, I always felt so down; I just knew it wasn’t how it should be. Music fast became a crutch, the one thing that understood me completely, and offered solace. My stereo was the key to survival in those dark times.
To this day, it still is.
Day 248: Someday, I’ll Be Saturday Night – Bon Jovi