I was raised without religion, in spite of my being christened Anglican and my father’s family being Roman Catholic. I feel the better for it, for I was never discouraged from faith, but given the choice to decide to attend church or not. In the end, I became Wiccan, but I’ve retained an ability to see the good and bad in other faiths, and am always seeking to know more about them.
Not being a Catholic schoolgirl, my bond to this song seems strange, but it’s not, really. Every single woman, as she hits her teens, is confronted with the two Marys, whether she likes it or not. As Alison notes in The Breakfast Club, women are either prudes and teases for not giving into sexual desire, or they’re sluts if they enjoy it. My sins ran deeper than simple teenage fumblings and normalcy, in my mind, and on many a sleepless night, I’d wonder at what it would take to be pure, to be good and admired. I wondered what it would take to be enough, to measure up to impossible standards on all sides, including my own personal ones.
I wondered how I was ever to be forgiven.
This album lived in my changer for three years; the older me chooses the acoustic reworking. But the words remain as painfully relevant as ever.
“What I learned I rejected, but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven?”
Day 245: Forgiven (acoustic) – Alanis Morissette