I remember so many nights, sleepless and restless, the stereo my companion.  The volume low so as not to alert my somewhat deranged mother to my waking state, I’d play CDs and tapes until I’d mercifully pass out, songs drifting in and out of my subconcious, often shaping the dreams I could remember.  I had favourites, CDs I could play straight through and not tire of.  Sometimes, it was a song, endlessly looping as I mouthed the words, swallowing their power and strength in hopes of possessing that energy.

This song is one of those songs, and as I fight to sleep this week, stricken with painful insomnia, it has slipped back to the forefront of my musical memories.  The lilting melody that gives way to crashing drums reminds me of standing upon the shores of Lake Ontario, struggling to find myself, to find a self I could care about, in my teens.  I was troubled and haunted, jaded utterly and completely.  How I made it through – how I make it through now – I can’t explain.  Maybe it’s the stubborn girl in me who feels the need to lock horns.  But music is my pillar, and it hasn’t failed me yet.

Here I am locking horns with the stallion
Failing to hold my head up, I’ll go back again
Pillar of Davidson, feeling too hard to go down
Cheaper than all souls he will walk upon
Deeper and deeper in love so I hold my head up
Cheaper than all souls he will walk upon
Pillar of Davidson
Feeling too hard to go down…

Day 191:  Pillar of Davidson – Live