It will astound you, how what you think you want and need is often the complete opposite of what you should seek. How what seems right and good is horribly flawed. The rose-coloured glasses seem so prevalent, don’t they?
Maybe it’s easier to believe in goodness beneath the surface, that every harsh reality was born of some understandable affliction or neurosis. It’s easier to believe that we have expectations that are unrealistic, rather than people failing us.
But when we find what we should have sought, should have craved, should have believed in… The fairytale lie shatters like a china cup. And at that moment, we can either choose to recoil into denial, or accept being wrong, and move forward into the sunshine. My heart’s been wrong before. I think I understand that now, understand that my nagging doubts were not merely neurosis or fear, but a sign. Because I am still an anxious woman, still jittery and afraid… And yet, I don’t doubt this time.
I choose the warmth of his love.
Day 124: Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometimes (The Korgis) – Beck