It will astound you, how what you think you want and need is often the complete opposite of what you should seek. How what seems right and good is horribly flawed. The rose-coloured glasses seem so prevalent, don’t they?
Maybe it’s easier to believe in goodness beneath the surface, that every harsh reality was born of some understandable affliction or neurosis. It’s easier to believe that we have expectations that are unrealistic, rather than people failing us.
But when we find what we should have sought, should have craved, should have believed in… The fairytale lie shatters like a china cup. And at that moment, we can either choose to recoil into denial, or accept being wrong, and move forward into the sunshine. My heart’s been wrong before. I think I understand that now, understand that my nagging doubts were not merely neurosis or fear, but a sign. Because I am still an anxious woman, still jittery and afraid… And yet, I don’t doubt this time.
I choose the warmth of his love.
Day 124: Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometimes (The Korgis) – Beck
Open 'Til Midnight 
You and I and our parallel lives right now, I am ever grateful for it, for the connection that we have (and have had for a good while now), and for the understanding.
I am a jittery woman, too – jangled emotions and insecurities that rear their shaky voices at me – but I keep choosing love, and him, and us, and trust – even if I have to push myself to do it. He is getting to know me enough now that he sees when the shaking hits and is very patient with it. Though at the start he was the jangly, shaky one and I held on tight – we are good that way with each other – both broken and both strong, you know?
I love this song and this film and Clementine and you.
<3!
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