I decided a few days ago that I need to dedicate more time to writing in all forums, blogging particularly. As a challenge to myself, I’ve decided to (barring technical difficulties) post an entry each day with a song that resonates with me, be it due to the day’s events, my emotions, or simply as one worth sharing. This will be in addition to the usual critiques and musings within.
Can I manage to pull this off? I’ve done 100 poems in 100 days; I think I can handle it.
Without further ado, Day One: Take A Bow – Rihanna
I’m not a huge fan of R&B, nor am I necessarily a huge Rihanna fan. This song, however, has been resonating with me for two months now, and it’s been haunting me hourly once more courtesy of its usage in last night’s episode of Glee (already one of my favourite TV shows two episodes in).
It’s got a hell of a hook in its beat, it’s a raw break-up song about a woman scorned, and Rihanna’s vocals are beautiful. It also manages to not only capture the sorrow at betrayal, but finding a strength in anger, and knowing one cannot tolerate mistreatment in a relationship. I can tie this song to multiple relationships of the past, friendships and romances, not merely the last one. I think we’ve all encountered that love that wasn’t what we believed it to be, the one where it was a mirage, where we loved a mirror of our own devotion, not a true reciprocation. This isn’t to say that the other parties didn’t love us back; in many cases, I’m sure they did. But did they love with the same level of unconditional regard? Did they fight as hard to make things work? Did they understand the concept of a relationship being work at all? Those are the questions that define when we’ve watched ‘quite a show’, or whether we’ve found a true love.
The trouble for me is this: between the cheater’s cabaret and the defeatist’s drama, I’m always left with my heart bleeding out proverbially, my tears falling as silently as the words I wish I could speak fall from my lips. And when this pattern replays in new forms, over and over, one has to question whether the time and energy spent is worth it. I’ve lost dear friends that I dated, because their relationship selves hurt me so deeply, even the sight of them made me ill. Is it worth it?
I’m starting to believe it isn’t. And I’m also starting to believe it’s okay to not believe in love as something necessary in life – at least, not the romantic sort. Love between friends, love within families, love for humanity – yes, without question. The truth of it is, I found the love I wanted – want – but it doesn’t want me. And, as Rihanna sings, ‘This just looks like a rerun.’
After all of these years, maybe the curtain’s finally closing. And with it, maybe a new one opens. Maybe a curtain call awaits, applause willing a return to a familiar stage. I just know that come what may, it’s time for the ghosts that haunt my dreams to take a bow.
And because I think her version is equally delicious, and because she will forever be my first Wendla, and because the greatest love to break my heart met me after I returned home from seeing her in Spring Awakening, the Glee cast version featuring Lea Michele: