It’s always bittersweet when the last day of tour arrives, but the last show of the tour is even more poignant when it’s your final show. There are no other shows. There are no other opportunities to try and see just one more performance, hear one more great song, see one more rarity that you can brag about. We all return to our little corners of the world, parting ways sadly, with only our memories to hold on to.

The last show of tour for me is always emotional. I’ve also seen the end of a tour before, and felt the tug of the heart at things truly being done. But this tour was something different; this tour is the end of a long era, and marks the beginning of a very different future. There will never be a tour as expansive as this again. The Dolls, a concept once mocked by many who later became beloved, are gone, save our personal amusements (like pipforpresident08.com). We’ve seen the last of Isabel, Pip, Clyde and Santa. We’ve likely seen the last of certain songs that resurfaced this tour only because of the Dolls and how they allowed Tori to separate her emotions from songs so that her personal issues would no longer stop them from being performed. As several of us have agreed on, there will never be the ‘Hang Ten Honey’ outro/freak out in Waitress again. She’s Your Cocaine and Raspberry Swirl are likely going back into the musical closet to be neglected and forgotten alongside Way Down and Datura and Zero Point (a broken promise I’m sure many will be bitter about is Tori’s failure to deliver either of the latter two).

I’ve been a part of Tori history, and my heart is breaking. I knew the final show would get to me; hell, Pretty Good Year and Tear In Your Hand had me tearing up in Anaheim. But even I wasn’t prepared for precisely how emotional I became last night…   I figured for the last show that a glass of wine was mandatory. Ashley had champagne, and we settled into our seats (decent view, if not as close as we would have liked), and it first hit me then: this was it. There was no more tour after this show. It was the end of the line. As Tori hit the stage as Isabel, I decided to throw myself into the show as completely as possible, dancing in my seat and standing, mouthing along to each song and often closing my eyes and feeling the sounds vibrating off the walls around me.

Isabel’s fourth song was Scarlet’s Walk, and I immediately knew we were getting a split doll show again. I figured it to be Santa or Clyde coming next. Scarlet’s Walk was the first song of many to send tears streaming down my cheeks; lyrics like “What do you plan to do with all your stories….?/I will follow her on her path….” just gutted me. The boys jammed as Isabel departed the stage, and for a few minutes, it felt like a slowed down Bouncing Off Clouds, which would indicate Clyde. But then, the lights went purple, and the music slowed… and I held my breath. “No way….” I thought to myself. But then, the tech emerged and set up the extra microphone that only one doll uses, and I had a fit of glee. PIP! Pip for the win! Such an awesome and pleasant surprise! Pip roared through Cruel, screaming about smegma and cocksuckers and being her wonderful obscene self. The pit area went nuts,. Standing for her whole set and dancing in a frenzy/ I wish I could have been down there with them. As I’d hoped, she did Fat Slut into Smokey Joe this time instead of Teenage Hustling, which was awesome. Smokey Joe in particular was very haunting and intense. From there, Heart of Gold happened again; I have to say that as much as I loathe the studio version, the live version is enjoyable. I think the Pip attitude and character make it work for me.

And then came Waitress, and I felt a lump in my throat, remembering John saying that this tour was probably the last of ‘Hang Ten Honey’. I rocked out, sang along, headbanged and danced in my seat. I went all out, then rose to my feet and danced for the last time to the Professional Widow jam. If there’s anything I’d always wanted at a Tori show, it was the ability to dance and shake my ass to fast songs, and this tour has been great for it. The bulk of the audience rose and danced for Big Wheel, and as much fun as I had clapping and dancing, I again felt a twinge of sadness; this was the last Big Wheel. Big Wheel has been a highlight of this tour for me, and I really can’t get enough of it. After Cornflake Girl (the last air piano opportunity), Tori brought out a song I’d been dying to hear this tour: Bells For Her. It was so emotional, and the tears just came pouring out. Every song that can normally touch me was just that much more charged.

Solo time brought Silent All These Years (and I kept crying); as much as I love it, I was sad to hear that she bailed on Gold Dust for it, since I absolutely fell in love with Gold Dust this past year. Then again, I may have crumbled completely if she’d played it. Cooling was next, as I’d predicted; Tori loves to close a tour with Cooling. She became incredibly emotional towards the end, with her voice actually cracking and breaking at the end. It was the best I’ve heard the song ever, hands down, and but one more example of how in this tour, the passion of the performances had come back with intensity to spare.

A familiar intro began, and my heart leapt into my throat: Amber Waves. God how I’d hoped for that song this tour. I was a weeping mess, and I’m not embarrassed to admit it. Again, I’d have to say it was the best I’ve heard the song live. I was beginning to think I’d never stop crying, but Tori thankfully brought some reprieve by busting out Talula, which is fun and upbeat. I’m so glad I was there to see this version, because it’s seriously the best band Talula ever.

Code Red… I’ve always been affected by the “Do this last one, and I’ll grow me some wine/Leave them troubled boys all behind” line, taking it as almost Tori’s goodbye to us and tour. Last night, it was even more moving in that context. For the last time, I grabbed onto Ashley and we rushed towards the stage; security stopped us from leaving the orchestra and rushing the pit, but oh well! We got to stand in the aisles and I danced and rocked out to Precious Things, and clapped happily as Bouncing Off Clouds came next. Again, I felt a tear in my eye; this was the end of the bouncing of the cloud dance. It really was ending. By the time Hey Jupiter began in the second encore, I was a wreck, with the sadness peaking as Tori belted out the “I know he isn’t you” at the end. I was a mess, and I wasn’t the only one. Suze and I had a good hug and a cry; John and I had a good hug outside the venue too.

Tori…. Thank you for the best tour in years.

SETLIST – LOS ANGELES 12/16/07

Isabel

Yo George
In The Springtime Of His Voodoo
Tombigbee
Scarlet’s Walk

Pip

Cruel
Heart Of Gold
Fat Slut
Smokey Joe
Waitress

Tori

Big Wheel
Cornflake Girl
Bells For Her

Silent All These Years
Cooling

Amber Waves
Talula
Code Red

Precious Things
Bouncing Off Clouds

Hey Jupiter